Joe Gorga acknowledges that him and Joe Giudice wanted to kill each other a year ago. 

Now he’s sticking up for the Giudices…

Amber thinks people attacked her like a witch…

Jim called Teresa, Melissa, and Dina stupid.  

Dina says Jim’s a bitch. 

Amber and Jim storm out but Amber forgot her keys. 

Nicole tells Bobby he can’t be friends with Jim and Amber anymore because they’re mean to her. 

Joe Giudice got the girls some chickens.  

Dina’s date is late so she orders ice cream.  

And fries….

The guy finally shows up and Dina thinks he’s dumb….

Amber and Jim are mad at Bobby but they’re so wrong here.  

Amber is so delusional she doesn’t think they did anything wrong while she was spreading nasty rumors and her husband called Joe Gorga a dumb fuck…..They were both rude and disrespectful and she won’t own shit….that really irritates me. 

Gia caught the dogs eating the chickens.  

Amber invited Dina and Teresa to the spa to apologize.  

They all get bird shit facials. 

Dina says Melissa starts shit and Amber agrees. 

Teresa is silent. 

Dina and Lexi get matching tattoos. 

Nicole and Bobby are at the gun range….

Amber calls Melissa trying to  figure out where things went crazy and they argue over lunch…..a lot…..

Did anyone expect them to be friends after how they talked when they met back up after all these years?

Brielle says Kim wants to keep her locked up in the house forever…

Kim and Kroy confirm, lol. 

Trampolines and hamster balls….this looks so fun.  Where is this place?

Kroy’s binoculars help him find people taking pictures of them.  

He and Kim freak out on the couple taking pictures of the Bierman family.  

They’re on a private beach with signs saying that no trespassing is allowed.  

Date night and the kids have a party. 

Brielle gets mad at Ariana for coming to her party.

Sweetie comes and reports back to Kroy that there are 40 dudes and the girls

Brielle is surprisingly responsible and kicks the drunk kids out.  

When did Brielle get all grown and start acting responsibly?

realhousewivesheaven:

Lydia at work….nothing really interesting here, just interior design talk.

Janet is redoing her house and Andrea is doing the Liberty Bell Center. 

All the girls are meeting at Andrea’s to play tennis and during the tour, the dog is carrying around a dead macaw…..

Gina is crazy late and takes way too long to change…..You could at least apologize for being late….

"You’re not wearing those shoes on my court" -Andrea to Gina about heels on her tennis court.  LOL.  Heels aren’t always appropriate.

Gina goes to “powder” (which I assume is like powdering her nose) and disappears for a while again.  Why did you make plans to hang out with the girls if you’re not going to hang out with them at all?  

Was there a pink/purple dress code that I missed?  Everyone that came to  play tennis was wearing pink or purple except Jackie…..

Gina left her makeup/fake tan all over Andrea’s bathroom….

Gina asked Jackie to coffee and began with an apology.  Classy.  Good move, Gina.  

Chyka showing the boys the difference between bread plates and pasta plates.  

Jackie getting dressed and her and Ben trying to speak Spanish with the most hilarious accents ever.  I’m dying.  Having grown up in south Florida, I learned quite a bit of Spanish….their accents are HILARIOUS.  

Salsa dancing is hilarious.  Janet is trading numbers with the teacher and Gina gets paired with the tiniest man ever.  DYING. 

Who’s side are you on……Team Gina or Team everyone else?

realhousewivesheaven:

Chyka and her man are adorable.  I can’t handle this date night.  Too damn cute.   

Janet’s new ring….wow….speechless.  That thing is incredible.  

Alcohol label design with Jackie and Ben….uh….looks like a children’s finger painting session….

Andrea decided she needed to tell Gina that Gina was mean and out of line….often.  And she decided the best time to confront Gina about this was at Janet’s birthday celebration….

This turns into everyone vs. Gina and she walks out.  

Janet admits to being a party girl and says both of her ex-husbands were nightclub owners.  That’s like taking it to the next level, guys.  I gotta say, I’m kinda jealous.  She’s doing it right.  You go, girl.  

Andrea is writing a book about working moms and how her checklist works.  These ladies act like everyone wants to just sit around and raise babies.  Ugh.  I am definitely with Andrea here.  I don’t like the idea of a nanny raising my kids, but I also won’t give up my career if I get unexpectedly pregnant.  I’d like to think I’ll be able to find a balance and do it all, but I’m a realist, so….

Lydia bashing with Gina and Janet.  Joking about how she’s writing a book about her vagina.  Not cute.  

I really feel like Andrea is a shit stirrer, but Gina is a flat out liar.  She keeps saying that she never said this or that, but she’s on camera saying exactly that….

Art buying with Lydia….ridiculous.  It’s only $130k for both pieces, girl….get them both.  You know you want all that glitter all over your house.  

Andrea asks Janet why her and Gina were laughing about someone’s book and Janet must admit her comment about Lydia’s book.  

Is anyone else actually watching this franchise with me? 

realhousewivesheaven:

Somehow I missed like 2 weeks of the Melbourne franchise….midterms this week have me all frazzled (damn 8-week “semesters”  is that really even a whole semester??  this is ridiculous)

On to more important things that you actually want to read about….

Andrea and her lists.  Talk  all the shit you want, but I have various “notes” on my BlackBerry.  It’s the same concept.  One is a list for the grocery store that I can pull out and add to anytime I remember something I need.  Then when at the store, I can make sure I don’t miss anything.  I also have one that’s a to do list, and others for other things.  Lists are the way to go.  She’s a bit obsessive, but  lists are good.  

I’m living for these stiletto ankle boots Lydia is wearing in Thredbo.  

Janet is going on a date with someone half her ex’s age.  Get it, girl.  Gina and Chyka are there to help her decide what to wear (Gina does have a past in fashion, remember?  She’s not just a drag queen barrister). 

Lydia’s ski clothes are as amazing as the boots.  I NEED that Prada coat in my life.  Like right now.  

Jackie, Andrea and Lydia go skiing and then begin the Gina bashing on the side of a mountain over some butterscotch schnapps.  

Gina and Chyka spy on Janet’s date and then interrupt it.  Hilarious.  Loving this.  I feel like I’m watching Sex and the City.  

Spa day at the Windsor the day after to discuss all the date details.  

The girls that are skiing (Lydia, Jackie, and Andrea) call the ones at the spa (Chyka, Gina, and Janet).  

The lines seem to be drawn in the sand when only half the ladies go skiing, but they all seem to be getting along fine over this “conference call” so I’m a little confused…

Now that we’ve seen more of the ladies and we know more about  who they are, who is your favorite, and why??

You're awesome and an amazing person!
realhousewivesheaven realhousewivesheaven Said:

Best. Ask. Ever.

theprincesskelley:

Am I the only one who hates Fashion Queens?

brandiglanville:

do you guys remember when camille put the sprinklers on when the housewives were leaving her house after the dinner party from hell ?
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(via theprincesskelley)

enlightenedloafer:

It’s the most wonderful time of the year once again!  A time for gathering around the TV and getting too drunk with friends as we watch overpaid celebrities fight each other - throwing and kicking in tight pants for our entertainment.  Where we pick favorites, and latch on in the name of loyalty, forgiving all the potentially criminal activity they may be involved in.  Where we watch as they do harm to their bodies for the sake of fame.  Where we ignore any homophobic, racist, or otherwise offensive undercurrent, because really we are just being sensitive, right?

No, I’m not talking about the NFL.  It’s the Real Housewives!  So get your team names ready: it’s draft day for your fantasy leagues!

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There are three rounds to the draft.

Round 1:  Housewives.  Everyone gets one housewife on his/her team.  Obviously your housewife will be your main moneymaker, so pick carefully.  Don’t get stuck with Cynthia Bailey.  What is one interesting thing she’s ever done?

Round 2:  Husbands & Boyfriends.  Everyone also gets one significant other.  As a rule, all the househusbands seem to suck a lot - Apollo texts other housewives inappropriately, Mario cheats on Ramona, Slade is…Slade - so just try to pick someone who sucks the least.

Round 3:  Accessories - Children/Pets/Gay Best Friends/Wannabe Housewives or Nemeses.  The third and final player on each team can be a child (Milania Giudice is obvi the best choice here), or pet (Giggy!), gay best friend (Miss Lawrence, that Beverly Hills wedding planner - chi chi chi!), or other random bitches (Kim G! Kim D! Sonja’s intern Pickles!).  Basically a scene stealer.  The more obnoxious the better.

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Points are scored in the following categories.

Read More

I’d really be down to play this like all the time….each time a season ends you can eliminate people from that location and add new ones from the shows that start in its place.  

I just don’t have time to keep track of everyone’s points.  I could easily make the spreadsheet to do it with, but don’t have time to keep up with it weekly (I’m already like 2 weeks behind on recaps).  

If someone wants to keep score, I’ll make them a spreadsheet.  Any takers?  Can we actually get a big group going to play this? 

realhousewivesheaven:

Jackie is scared of botox….me too, girl.  Horrifying.  

Gina asked Lydia to help her decorate her new place.  

How many times is Jackie going to remind us that her husband is a rockstar?  I feel like every other word that comes out of her mouth is “i have powers, my husband is a rockstar.”

Lydia and Andrew fly wherever they want, whenever they have time….because they can.  If I had that kind of money and my husband was a pilot and we could fly 100% alone, no crew or anything, I’d do it, too.  They flew overseas for a day trip and bought $200 worth of cheese.   She really is my favorite.  Too fabulous to give any fucks.  

"I have that inner power to be able to create miracles." -Jackie….actually only God can do that.  No human is capable of miracles.  I really am not sure how I feel about her "powers" at this point.  I respect her beliefs and her choice in career, but I don’t know that I support it.  One thing I know for sure, only hard work creates successful businesses.  If it’s not her doing said work, then her staff will be working their asses off, but no business is successful without work.  

Gina says she was diagnosed with cancer 10 years ago and is just now crying for the first time while telling Andrea that Jackie is full of/listening to demons?  Nice try on being convincing with your sob story, but I’m not buying what you’re selling.  I am sad you got cancer and proud of you for overcoming it, but I don’t know that Jackie is demonic.  

There is tequila everywhere at this housewarming.  Jackie says she loves all gifts but I really agree with Andrea that the jewelry is inappropriate.  The stuff from Chyka’s business may have been tacky, but it was appropriate for a housewarming.  I think Andrea is jealous that she missed the opportunity to self-promote….

Gina is single now??  But we’re supposed to believe that she didn’t believe Jackie??  Suuuurrreee…..

Gina is going on and on about demons and how Jackie is full of shit and attacking what the woman does for a living (and has done for many years) then has the nerve to say “If you know me, I don’t offend anyone”  uuhh…??

Do you have a favorite Melbourne housewife yet?

Team Gina or Jackie?